Well Hot Diggity! Happy New Year and welcome to 2018! I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in forever, but that's just me exaggerating. I know it's already 15 days into the new year but it has taken me some time to really reflect on 2017 and settle into 2018. I think we all can agree that 2017 was not the best year. I know some people had fabulous things happen and I'm thrilled for you but on my end it was not the greatest but I did learn some lessons and isn't that what life is all about! Here are the lessons that I learned and some of the tribulations that happened.
I was blocking my own blessings.
Love is very confusing and a lot to deal with.
Growth is a real thing.
Not all friends come and go, some are really there to stay.
Let Go and Let God.
I know you've all listened to my new ENHANCE Podcast and have heard me talk about my recent break up and a lot of the lessons I learned were from that break up. This is what I mean.
I'm the type of person that when I like you, I really like you and I want you to be the best version of yourself. I'm patient,supportive, kind and motivating. I essentially put you first so that you become the person I see you as. With doing that I tend to leave myself behind, I tend to get complacent in making sure that I am becoming the person I envision. After that break, of course I was down and whatever and it wasn't until I started my podcast that I realized that I am able to focus on myself and my dreams. I can put the time and effort into creating what I envision whether thats becoming a boss woman or putting on events for my blog. So many good things seems to be coming my way and I'm now in a position to accept those blessings.
I kind of promised myself that I wouldn't talk about this too much anymore but for this post I'll break that promise. My relationship lasted about 4 years and we definitely had our ups and downs. We made mistakes and we would try and forgive and forget. Most of the time it was like we just swept the issues under a rug and they would start to creep out from time to time and so it became a cycle of toxicity. The crazy part of the relationship is that he became my best friend and my lover. There was no one else I would rather do life with. We made each other life and we had such a great time together. We had been through so much together, we started dating at 19 and ended at 23. We became adults together but what I feel was happening was that we were trying to find ourselves and some times you can't do that with someone else. At the end it hurt to end things because I couldn't understand if we loved each other so much that we couldn't just make this work. I will always love him and I'm so happy that he came into my life but I can't give anymore effort or love to that relationship.
Everyone talks about growing and changing. But What I have learned is that you have to want to grow. It doesn't just happen by just existing. You have to be intentional with your growth. One of the biggest issues I had was hiding from myself. I know that sounds weird, like how can you hide from yourself? What I mean is that I didn't want to deal with my emotions, I was partaking in activities that took the stresses of life away. But it was interesting because when I was under the influence I would listen to a lot of spiritual and gospel music and cry. I was craving heal from the Lord but I wasn't ready to face my mistakes and give him the space and room in my heart to change me into the person I'm destined to be. I still have a lot of growing to do but I committed to growing through the growing pains and to start believing in myself!
Friends. Thank God for friends. I really feel like I was on the verge of loosing a lot of essential friends in my life. There was one in particular that I felt betrayed me in my time of need. I considered her a sister and it was crazy to think that she would just abandon me. After talking to her, she explained that it was hard for her to see me be with someone who didn't value my worth and that I didn't see it. I was really upset about it to the point where I was okay losing her as a friend. It took me going to church one Sunday and God really put it my heart to tell her I was feeling and then I left it alone. I'm happy to say that we resolved our issues and are back to be friends. Not all friends are supposed to leave your life make sure you know which ones those are.
This last lesson must have been the hardest thing and it's still really hard. We are so used to controlling our lives. It's really hard to just let things go and try not to be concerned about it. For example I can honestly say I still feel like my ex is the person I'm supposed to be with for forever. But I had to let him go because I realized that he has a lot of growing to do and I can't help him. This is not our time. Plus, I have a lot of growing to do on my own. I have to give myself a chance to be better find better, and learn the lessons I'm supposed to learn without him. What's the quote? I think it goes " If you love something let it go, and if it comes back it's yours forever. If it doesn't it never meant to be." That's kind of what my mentality. I'm not waiting around and don't have any expectations. I have hope but no expectations. If it's meant to be we will find our way back to each other and if not that means there's someone out there waiting for me and be prepared to be with me.
My happiness finally depends on me and I'm really happy about that. No headaches or extra concerns. I just get to take care of me. So thank you 2017 for the lessons but I'm ready for 2018 to be my best year!
